1. Tool around in the courtesy wheelchairs. Make racecar noises, call yourself "The Intimidator" and force the ticket staff people to be your "pit crew."

2. Stash a small metal object somewhere on your person. When the staff at the metal detector ask you to remove it, say "why don't you try to find it, and don't use that wand, that would be cheating." Waggle eyebrows suggestively.

3. Pick various pieces of foliage out of the plant displays and hand them out to fellow travelers. Chant while doing so.

4. "Borrow" one of the courtesy carts, drive up to the nearest airport McDonald's, and ask for drive-thru service.

5. Walk up to the Welcome Services desk and demand that they welcome you. Do this on five-minute intervals.

6. Have a friend put you in a garbage bag and leave you on a baggage carousel. Make ticking noises.

7. When the ticket staff ask you if you packed your bags, claim your 36 other personalities packed them, and have the staff ask them all individually by name.

8. Run around the terminal with your arms spread, making plane noises. Hijack yourself, demand more peanuts, and force a water landing in the men's room.

9. Send yourself through the baggage x-ray. Call it your "weekly medical exam." Ask if the lump has gotten any bigger.